


How Do You Tell Someone (You Don't Love Them)

by tisfan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Just angst, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 18:46:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14361420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: This is JUST SAD, sorry, that's all. inspired by Teckmonky on tumblr who is a horrible enabler.Title from the Cowboy Mouth song of the same name. Some lines also inspired by The Ring, by Bob Seger.





	How Do You Tell Someone (You Don't Love Them)

**Author's Note:**

> This is JUST SAD, sorry, that's all. inspired by Teckmonky on tumblr who is a horrible enabler.
> 
> Title from the Cowboy Mouth song of the same name. Some lines also inspired by The Ring, by Bob Seger.

Staring at the ceiling, Loki contemplated the softness of the bed, the way the sheets were cool whenever he shifted his pale legs. He had a thick pillow under his head and another one lifting his hips.

His husband moved over him, straining, trying to bring them both to a pitch.

Loki knew all the sweet noises to make, the way to run his hands along Thor’s shoulders, encouraging words, murmurs and sighs.

At one point, somewhere, he thought he could remember a time, when he’d done those things because he couldn’t not do them. When kissing Thor was a thing he’d done without thinking. When he’d find himself brushing an errant lock of hair from the beautiful brow without even knowing his fingers had moved.

Once, it had been easy.

Once, it had been delightful.

When Thor slid the ring on his finger, Loki called himself the happiest man on the planet.

His internet search history was full of phrases like _What’s wrong with me_ and _why don’t I love him_ and _how to rekindle the flame._

It wasn’t as simple as he thought it would be, either.

There wasn’t someone else. Not really.

Well, it wasn’t like Loki didn’t look. There was a bagger down at the corner market that Loki would look at sometimes, and wonder if that smooth skin would feel any different under his fingers. A young man who sometimes played violin, soft and sweet, on the street corner, for dollars. Loki might have dropped more change in that man’s case than he’d like to admit. He told Thor he’d bought himself a day at the spa.

It hadn’t happened all at once.

It wasn’t that one day, Thor came home from work and Loki thought Oh, I don’t love you anymore.

But that was what happened. Slow, like the steady erosion of water against a rock. It just wore out.

And Loki didn’t know where it had gone.

There was nothing wrong with Thor. He was a good husband, a good provider, a generous lover, a hard worker. He was funny, and handsome, and had an enthusiasm for life.

Thor loved him. Loved Loki. Loved him back when Loki had thought he was unlovable. Loved him so much that eventually Loki had believed it, had returned that sentiment.

And now, here he was, laying on his back as Thor kissed him and caressed him, and he felt…

… nothing.

He didn’t hate Thor.

He just… didn’t feel anything, anymore.

Loki was tired. He lifted his hips again, closed his eyes, pretended to feel something.

How was he supposed to say it. How to tell Thor that he was just numb and empty.

_Did you ever even know me?_

“Love you,” Thor was saying, “so much. You’re the best part of me.”

Loki came, but it was cold and bitter, like he was coming out of self-defense.

“Don’t know what I would do without you, my darling,” Thor said, resting his head against Loki’s heaving chest.

_I wish I’d never seen you smile._

“You shan’t have to find out,” Loki murmured, kissing his husband’s hair. Ran his fingers through the long, golden locks.

Thor was a good man. The best. The envy of all of Loki’s friends. It was Loki that was hollow. Empty. Unworthy. Cold.

Was it so hard, to live the lie, to let this perfect, flawless man come home to a lie?

Loki was comfortable in his life, the money, the house, their friends. The life that didn’t call to him. He could watch it burn and then walk away, dry-eyed.

It wasn’t that he wanted Thor to die; he wanted Thor’s happiness, even more than he wanted his own. He just wanted Thor happy… somewhere else.

In his head, Loki marked another day as done. When Thor was finally asleep, Loki slipped from their bed to wash his thighs. He looked at his sleeping husband, went to the window and looked up at the moon. The field behind their home, and listened to the sound of traffic on the highway.

Another day. Another lie.

_I don’t love you. I don’t know if I ever did._

Another day over. Another day just ends.


End file.
